Whatcha Got Cookin?
by amberdowny
Summary: Drake wants to plan a seduction-by-romantic-dinner. Only one problem: he can’t cook. So he turns to Josh for help. New lower rating


Title: Whatcha Got Cookin'?

Author: SP

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider and whoever else own everything.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2043

Summary: Drake wants to plan a seduction-by-romantic-dinner. Only one problem: he can't cook. So he turns to Josh for help.  
Author's Notes: I am really unhappy with this. Any concrit would be much appreciated!

"How would you go about seducing someone?" Drake asks his brother one Wednesday afternoon as they're sitting on the couch in their room.

Josh inhales his Mocha Cola and nearly asphyxiates. "_You're_ asking _me_?" he finally manages to say between coughing fits.

Drake shrugs self-consciously. "Well, yeah."

"Why?" Josh asks.

Drake fidgets uncomfortably. "You're more into the whole romance thing. I just use my incredible sex appeal."

"So use it this time," Josh suggests, a little bitterly.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Drake sighs. "I want to prove I'm serious about it. Besides, I've tried. Um, she's…totally clueless."

Josh teases, "Well, you never did go for girls with brains! Except Michelle," he adds thoughtfully.

Drake scowls. "Come on."

"Well, who are you trying to seduce?"

"Why?" Drake demands.

Josh shrugs. "It might make a difference for what you should do."

"Oh. Her name is um, Courtney. And you don't know her. She doesn't go to Belleview."

"Okay then, so knowing absolutely nothing about her, I guess I'd probably make a nice--and romantic--dinner. It's traditional, tasteful, and should get the point across that you're trying to seduce her."

Drake inwardly groans. He'd suspected Josh would say that, but he'd been hoping he was wrong. He can't cook. He's got sandwiches covered, makes a mean bowl of cereal, can use the microwave like a pro, and has recently conquered condensed soup on the stove. But something worthy of a romantic dinner? Well, unless heated up Chef Joyardee ravioli is romantic, he's out of luck. Unless…"Josh, I can't cook."

Josh sighs resignedly. He knows what's coming. "I know."

"So…will you teach me?" Drake asks.

Josh is taken aback. He was expecting another incident like the one with Tiffany Margolas in freshman year, with Drake coercing him into cooking the meal for no credit. "Sure," he agrees.

"What should I make? Like, spaghetti or something?"

"I guess so," Josh replies half-heartedly.

Drake frowns. "You don't sound too excited about it. You don't have to help me if you don't want."

Josh hurries to explain, "Oh no, it's not that." (Even though he didn't like the idea of helping Drake score yet another girl.) "It just that spaghetti is such a cliched romantic dinner staple."

Drake tries to figure that one out. Cliched, that means like, overused, right? Spaghetti is an overused romantic dinner…staple? Well, a staple holds papers together, so maybe spaghetti is overused to hold together romantic dinners? That makes sense, kinda. It's true that in practically every movie with romantic dinners, the food is spaghetti. So… "What would you want in a romantic dinner then?" Drake asks Josh.

"Oh. I've never thought about it. Well, I do like Italian food, and even though spaghetti is cliché, and I wouldn't be wooed by it, there are tons of other options. Fettuccine alfredo is nice."

"Okay, then I'll make that. Is it hard?"

Josh tries to picture his cookbook down in the kitchen. "I don't think so…I think it's just boiling pasta and adding a couple of ingredients for the sauce. Half-and-half and parmesan cheese, I think. And butter."

"That's really it?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"I can do that. Um. If you show me how to tell when pasta is done."

Josh shakes his head tolerantly. "You're something else," he mutters. "Yes, I'll show you. I'll even show you tonight; Megan wants me to make macaroni and cheese for dinner. Now, you can't just have fettuccine. You need something to go with it."

Drake tries to think of what goes well with pasta. "Garlic bread?" he suggests.

"Sure. And garlic bread is really easy to make. You don't even need a recipe."

Drake is intrigued. "Really?"

"Yeah. All you do is soften some butter in a small bowl, mix it with some garlic or garlic salt, and some other herbs and spices. But you get off really easy with the other spices, because we have a bottle of Italian spice. Just mix in some of that. Then spread it on half a loaf of French bread and bake it at 350 for ten minutes or so. If you want, you can put some mozzarella cheese on top of the butter spread first. Then you have cheesy garlic bread."

"So mix butter, garlic, and Italian spice, spread it on bread, add cheese, and cook it?" Drake clarifies.

"Yup."

He nods once. "Cool. I got it."

"Good! Now, that's a lot of carbs. You need a vegetable. I think you can probably get away with packaged salad and dressing, since you will have made everything else yourself. And dessert, of course."

"I think I can manage dessert on my own," Drake says.

Josh bites his lip. "I don't know, baking isn't as easy as making something like fettuccine…"

"I can do it," Drake insists.

"All right, it's all you. Come on, let's go make some macaroni."

The two boys descend the stairs to the first floor, then enter the kitchen. Josh opens a cupboard and pulls out a large saucepan. "This is the size you'll need for the fettuccine," he informs Drake, as he begins to fill it with water. "And fill it about to here. Oh, and add a little oil so the pasta doesn't stick together." Josh sets the pan on the stove, turns on the burner, and then turns to Drake. "And now, we wait for it to boil."

Drake retrieves a pack of playing cards, then sits at the kitchen table. "Come play rummy with me while we wait."

Josh grins. "I see someone is getting more patient."

"Only if I have something to do. Come play."

Josh does, until the water is boiling. Then he picks up the box of elbow macaroni and pours it in. "It'll be a little different with fettuccine--make sure it all gets into the water and isn't sticking out. Now, what we're aiming for is al dente pasta--not crunchy, but not mushy either. Just firm. I'll show you when it gets there. It usually takes ten minutes or so, but don't wander off--keep stirring so it doesn't stick together."

"Okay," Drake answers. "Wait, what are you doing?" he asks as Josh sets a piece of partially-cooked macaroni on the counter.

"Giving you examples. Hey, put the colander in the sink, would you?"

"Colander?"

Josh blows his cheeks out in frustration. "It's white, looks like a bowl with lots of little holes in it?"

"_Ohh_, that thing! Yeah, sure." Drake retrieves the colander and sets it in the sink. A few minutes later, Josh turns off the stove, drains the macaroni and returns it to the pan on the stove. He sets one piece of macaroni beside the first, then fills a glass with warm water and drops another into it. After another few minutes, he fishes it out and presents it to Drake.

"Here, eat this," Josh says.

Drake looks at the noodle askance before taking it from his brother and popping it in his mouth. "Ew, it's squishy," he mumbles around it.

"Exactly. Now eat this one," Josh says, handing the first macaroni to Drake. Drake eats it, making a face at the crunchiness of it. "Okay, so you see how the first one was too done, and the second one wasn't done enough? If you just test a piece every now and then, until it's like this one," holding out the final piece of macaroni, "you should come out all right."

Drake chews the pasta, then nods. "I think I've got it."

"Good. Now, the alfredo sauce recipe is on…" Josh pulls out the cookbook, flips to the index, and finishes his sentence, "page 396. Just follow the instructions and it should turn out okay. What day are you planning this dinner for, anyway?"

"I was thinking Saturday. Mom and Walter are going away for the weekend and Megan is going to be at Janie's."

Josh hastily interjects, "Uh, I'm going to be home Saturday night. And Friday night. I have the weekend off."

"Gr--that's all right."

Josh looks suspiciously at Drake. "Just don't have sex anywhere where I might walk in."

Drake just raises an eyebrow and doesn't say anything.

--

It's about six o'clock on Friday. At five, Drake had decided that he ought to try cooking before the night of the planned seduction, and had been in the kitchen ever since.

Josh is a bit concerned for the safety of Drake, and more importantly, the kitchen. Repainting it once was enough. He's heard several loud crashes and a few curses that would make a sailor blush, but Drake had been very clear about wanting to do it all himself. So Josh sits in the living room, trying to watch Celebrities Underwater calmly and not rush into the kitchen to fix whatever is going wrong inside.

"Josh, will you go get a CD?" Drake calls out.

"Which one?" Josh replies. Normally, he'd try to convince Drake to get it himself before complying, but he feels that Drake has enough to deal with.

A pause, and Josh knows that Drake is shrugging. "I don't care, anything you like."

As soon as Drake hears Josh's footsteps on the stairs, he rushes to the dining table with two plates of fettuccine alfredo and garlic bread. In another mad dash from kitchen to table, he brings out two bowls of salad and a box of matches. After a two more trips to the kitchen, Drake has brought two glasses of water and two sets of silverware and napkins to the table. He lights the candles, dims the lights, and, sitting at the table, waits for Josh to come back.

He doesn't wait long. "Should I put it in the--" Josh begins to ask, then stops dead when he sees the transformation of the dining area. "Wow," he says finally.

"Yeah, put the CD in the player," Drake answers Josh's unfinished question. "Then come sit down."

Josh does as he's told. "I'm impressed," he remarks. "Everything looks great. And smells great."

"But does it taste great?" Drake asks.

Josh lifts a forkful of the pasta to his mouth, then stops with it centimeters from his lips. "You try it first."

"What, you don't trust me?"

"Not with food."

Drake grins, then takes a bite from his own plate. "Hey, it's not bad!" he said with some relief.

Reassured, Josh moves his fork into his mouth. "Wow," he says again, "_Now_ I'm impressed."

The two boys eat in comfortable silence. Then, with both plates nearing empty, Josh asks, "So, were you trying to get my opinion on your method of seduction?"

"Something like that," Drake mumbles, suddenly thankful for his mouthful of garlic bread.

"Well," Josh began, "I think it'll work. If this was for me, I'd be seduced."

Drake stands and swallows. "Let me take your plate and bring out dessert." He grabs both plates and bowls and escapes to the kitchen.

Josh frowns. Drake has been acting odd all night. Maybe he's just nervous about tomorrow? Well, he shouldn't be, if it turns out as well as it did tonight. Everything was awesome.

Josh suddenly realizes that since Drake has made the fettuccine and bread tonight, he'll have to go grocery shopping tomorrow to buy more. He makes a mental note to tell Drake as soon as he comes back.

He doesn't wait long. Drake comes back carrying two smaller dessert plates, and Josh begins to speak. "Drake, you know you'll have to--are those churros?" he asks, interrupting himself.

Setting the plates on the table, Drake replies, "Yeah, they are," before sliding back into his seat.

"Just who are you trying to seduce here, me or Courtney?" Josh asks jokingly.

"Who's Court--? I mean…damn."

Josh looks at Drake in amazement. "Drake…you _are_ trying to seduce me?" Drake's odd behavior suddenly made sense, and so did his reasoning for asking him about seduction in the first place.

"I told you you were clueless," Drake offers. "So, um…is it working?"

Josh smiles and shakes his head. "Yeah, it is. But you didn't have to go through all this trouble. All you had to do…" He stands up, circles around the table and leans down, so he's only inches away from Drake. "…was this."

And he presses his lips to Drake's.

END.


End file.
